Sunday, July 20, 2014

Life as a Full-Time Writer

I have recently transitioned to being a full-time writer.  The reasons I made the change at this time don’t matter nearly as much as the fact that I’m now faced with a very different life.  I’m not sure how I feel about it—yet—other than to say that it’s scary!

I was a full-time writer once before.  At the very end of the time when I was finishing my second published book, through the preparation of that manuscript into its form as a real book, and up until the time I received an offer for a third book—proposed but not yet written—I was writing full-time.  My then-husband and I had sold our business for a healthy profit, I was writing and he was doing other things.  Then, just as things seemed to settling down in this new, much-desired life, my husband disappeared and filed for divorce.  I was devastated and lost my muse immediately.

I’ve spent the last nine years looking for it.

Amazingly, wonderfully, unexpectedly, I’ve resumed writing.  My muse has returned, I have made tremendous progress, and here I am, facing life as a full-time writer again.  Only this time I am alone.  I have no one who comes home at the end of the day to get me out of myself.  I have no one to prompt me to a) have a verbal conversation, b) live in a world that exists outside my head, or even c) get dressed in the morning.

I have never been on my own in quite the same way, and I am here to tell you, it’s not easy!

Do I regret it?  Absolutely not.  Do I like it?  I’m not sure…  Am I going to continue this way?  Definitely!

Many times, I’ve heard the saying, “Be careful what you wish for.”  I understand it in an entirely new way these days.  I’ve prayed for this life many times; I consider writing my sacred labor, the one thing I came to this life to do.  I now have the time, the mental capacity and the freedom in which to do it.  More than that, I have the story.

Even with all that, I find the whole proposition scary and difficult.

How many times am I going to say scary?

I’ve heard it said that, in order to grow in life, you have to take risks and do things that frighten you.  If that is the case, then I should be in the middle of the biggest growth spurt of my entire life.

I guess, when it comes down to it, that’s the whole point.  I’ve spent my complete adult life working, always for the good of the family, the checkbook, the mortgage, the car payment, or any number of reasons that provided a living for my now ex-husband and me.  I’m working now, too, only this time I’m writing my book for myself—and for any number of readers who might find comfort and value in my words, once the book is published.  It’s a bigger job, a more demanding job—and a job I felt like I’ve lived my whole life to perform.

I’d be crazy if I didn’t find it scary.  But I’d be even crazier if I didn’t do it—and with every bit of talent and guts and determination that I’ve got.  As someone recently reminded me, “If God gave you the desire and brought you this far, why would you think He’d abandon you now?”

Best advice I’ve ever had!  So maybe He didn’t promise it wouldn’t be scary, just that He’d be there with me all the way.  What better company?

So buckle up!  Maybe it is scary, but it’s going to be worth the trip.


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